Discouraged

So this is me with a friend at a get together. I had spent so much time picking out the perfect stylish outfit, trendy jewelry, the right shoes, all the right little things together so I could look perfect for the evening. My hair was cut, colored, and styled just for the occasion. Some of the people at the party I had not seen in over 9 years. I know that I had put on weight and I was self-conscious about it, but I thought I looked pretty good. Well we took pictures and after the party I  looked through the pictures and cried. I did not look even slightly how I had imagined myself. How is it one day I can look in the mirror and feel that I look pretty decent and other times I look in the mirror or a picture and feel I look horrible. I realize I am overweight I am not in denial about this, but sometimes in my head, I think I see myself in the way I used to look. Then when presented with a picture, a mirror, or reflection I am reminded of what I have become. Other times I feel so bad at how I look that I see myself double or triple what I am. I am so tired of these mind tricks. I can tell that I have a pretty face and I really love my eyes, but they get lost in the fat on my face. I want my features to be what people notice, not the fat and then the possibility of beautiful features if I could just lose some weight. I want to know what I would look like with a tight trim and toned little body, with a pretty face and hair to match. I remember what I used to look like when I was younger, but then I was too self-conscious to notice how beautiful I really was. Now I have the realization, but not the figure to match. Now though I have grown up and have matured physically, and I bet I would look all that much nicer, if only I could lose the weight. I want to do this before I get older and it is too hard to keep the weight off, and the wrinkles set in. No matter how much I want this I just can't seem to get this. The past week has been hard to keep my goal to lose weight and become a more healthier me. I really want this, so I continue to try. Making and setting the goal to remain positive and steadfast. I must continue on.... Definitely in need of some encouragement.....