A Better Day

Last night I broke down.... I cried myself to sleep. I have been really struggling with not being able to have any more kids. I had a dream that I was pregnant, and the feelings I had were so strong. I really thought I was for a minute, then I remembered that I can't and I became so sad. I really am so grateful for my darlings and that I even got the chance to be pregnant. There is something inside me that aches though. I have been really wanting another baby. I don't know that I could adopt because I have so many health problems, and I need to be a mother to the children I have. I guess sometimes I just need to mourn my loss and then move forward. Lately I have been worried about my health. I have had headaches every day for some time now. Sometimes they are really bad, other days they are just semi-annoying. I also have been getting vertigo when I move my head. More so while I am laying down. I am hoping that it is something minor and that can be fixed. I never worried about health issues till my accident. Ever since then I worry that I will have to go through something awful like that again. Needless to say, I have been under a lot of stress lately. I think that may be why I gave in to pie the other day. I needed a release I think, but I don't want to use food as an escape. I guess it is good I recognize that. Now I can see that when I am feeling stressed or sad, I can turn to something healthy instead. I realize that I need to focus on good, positive, and healthy things. When I am sad, I need to mourn but then quickly move forward. I know that I have a tendency to get stuck on unhealthy thoughts. I recognize this about myself, and I am working on staying focused on the good and healthy. I am determined to have a better day! :)